'Open a little wider, please, Sir… That’s right. It will not hurt a bit.

You think a guy like me always enjoys being a dentist, Sir? Well, there are days that I profoundly wish I wasn’t.

— Suction please, Fiona.

Today is such a day. This morning, my car broke down. I needed to come in all the way by train and taxi. Then there was a letter that the rent is going up, right after my support staff have got a pay rise, I tell you. You think that’s nothing, huh? 

Please don’t deny it, Sir, I saw you blink. I don’t mind. I’d also think it’s nothing, were it not that this morning at breakfast my husband said to me that he cannot see how we can go on any longer. He wants to move out and live by himself. 

I’m convinced there’s somebody else, perhaps a beautiful young twink studying at university—wouldn’t be the first time. But he flatly denies there’s anyone. He actually said he wished there’d be someone else, as it would have made things easier. 

—We’ll need C3 composite here, Fiona, get it ready please… Thank you… air please.

 Anyhow, to make a long story short, we had a bit of words and half a fight, and then we ended up making love on the kitchen table. Yes, really on the table. I see in your eyes you don’t believe me, but it’s true. We made love like we haven’t done in seven years, half fighting, absolute animals we were. Jasper has never done me on the kitchen table of all things. Just thinking back of it makes me horny again. 

No, please Sir, please don’t you worry, no problem with me if it also turns you on, Sir, you wouldn’t imagine how many things I have experienced as a dentist. 

  Anyhow, then once we both were breathing normally again and hanging in each other’s arms we decided we’ll get into couples therapy. So it’s not as bad as it seems, but I’m still quire worried I might be losing Jasper.

  — More suction please Fiona, this is a deep one.

  No please, Sir, I can see the jealousy in your eyes, but please don’t think for a minute about stealing Jasper from me. Remember that what you are hearing is a dentist’s drill, a very powerful and precise tool. Thou shalt not sin in deed, word or thought. I strictly follow the bible. Please don’t forget that, Sir. 

  — We need more light, Fiona.

Please be aware, Sir, that like all dentists, I can see in your eyes what you think… No, please don’t close them will you, Sir, we don’t want to accidentally make a mistake with the drill… Yes, that’s it, keep ‘m nice and open where I can see them. Every now and then I’ll look at them and when I do I want to see them nice and open. Do not think again about stealing Jasper from me Sir…

That’s it, nice and open... I’d almost think I can see fear in your eyes—no need to be afraid, Sir. You’re in safe hands. 

Now where was I?”

John Grendel